Full disclosure; It's been a rocky road for me these last few weeks. I've missed nearly two blog posts this month, although my laptop decided to pass out completely last Monday. I was just in the middle of publishing my blog and there it went... arghhh!! I'm still trying not to panic and sort out a new laptop but I've been able to borrow this one for a couple of days to 'catch up' (whew!). I was going to post the blog I had written previously, but then I felt the calling to get personal with you. So here it goes!
Aside from the frustrations around being inconsistent with my work at the moment, my emotional wellbeing has taken a big hit lately. I'm sure we're ALL struggling with having to process so many major changes and setbacks not just in the outside world but with trying to find the inner balance as well. However, I felt the need to share with you what's been going on for me.
It's important that we all share our stories and support each other the best we can. I also think it's important that I share this with you because I want to be as transparent as possible and let you know that things, even through mindfulness, can be hard and that life can offer challenges regardless (no brainer!). Things can seem very real for us and it's how we move above it that truly counts.
I've been fighting some old demons recently of insecurity and it hasn't been pretty. My marriage has been a bit compromised because of it and it's been really hard to find the harmony we once had. I'm moving through it and exploring the 'why' around my feelings but from one day to the next, I find myself struggling with the ego more times than not. I've been sitting more in meditation and surrendering my worries and fears and it's given me the peace I need. I've finally picked up my journal again and I have to say, the writing has been SO helpful with letting things go more gently. By writing my thoughts and feelings, it has really given me the space to see things more clearly. If you haven't tried journaling, I highly recommend that you do! It can really help you find the clarity you need. All in all, I'm just so grateful that my husband and I are both very committed to doing our best in finding our peace and harmony once again. The love is still very strong and that is a blessing I am so grateful to count!
In addition to all of this, I am still processing the loss of my mother. It's been two years now since we said 'goodbye for now' and I still go to pick up the phone and call her. I miss her terribly, we were so very close and we loved to spend time together. We loved to shop together, go out for breakfast, make new recipes, watch movies and shop through her Avon catalogs! She LOVED her some Avon!! LOL But mostly, I miss her hugs. It does warm my heart to know that she is no longer suffering and that she's dancing once again with her sisters who went before her. The many, many sweet memories of her will keep me warm. Another big blessing is that I still have my 93 yr old father who loves to bake cookies, tell jokes, always the same ones! and hit the casinos (pre-covid of course). We love to watch "Monster Fish", play dominos and have Jeopardy wars together :) He's my hero!
I had a more recent loss of my Chihuahua, Carlito. He passed this February just before the pandemic hit us and locked us down at home. Just when I really needed him at my side, I could definitely use his loving cuddles right now. He was my little angel and we traveled everywhere together (he even had his own passport!). If you're not a dog fan you might not understand this, but I tell you there's nothing like having a little fur baby to hold love and companionship with. I had Carlito since he was only 9 weeks and he passed at 12 yrs. Miss that little guy and his funny character! I like to think that he's sitting, once again, on my mom's lap where he loved to be whenever we visited her. He took care of his grandma :)
These challenges are mine for a reason, I honestly feel and believe it. I'm needing this time to focus on what matters most and I'm taking it on the best I can. I encourage you to think about your challenges and where you can give yourself the love and compassion you need.
Even when things seem like they won't ever get better, give yourself the chance and space to reconnect with yourself and check in. There is always light at the end of the day and when it goes down, we always know and look forward to it rising again the next day. As will you.
Just by writing this post I'm feeling even that much stronger and better about the outcome of my journey. Whatever it may bring me. And knowing that you are a part of my journey makes it even that much sweeter. I'm grateful for your following and for sticking with me! I wish YOU a beautiful journey and the strength to remain in your light.
With Gratitude,
Angelic x
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